Star Wars Empire At War: Gold Pack - 9/20 hours

I know it goes without saying, but I hate to lose RTS games. Even more than any other genre, it bugs me. And I always assumed it was because I was, on some level, an emotionally frail person who would rather be coddled than develop the skills necessary to win. And while I won't say that's untrue, I've recently had an insight that puts my love-hate relationship with the genre in a new perspective.

It's not so much that I hate to lose, as it is that I hate playing defense. I think the confusion comes from the fact that whenever I wind up playing defensively, it's usually a prelude to a loss. Maybe that's because playing defensively is strategically inferior. Or maybe it's because my lack of interest in that style of play leads me to execute it poorly. Either way, it's a habit that carries across genres (for example, in an rpg, I will always prioritize offense over defense, unless a particular defensive skill proves unusually good).

Which is weird, because when pacifism is an option, like in your typical 4X game, I will almost always go for it. Which you'd think would mean that I'd learn to focus on defense, just as a practical survival skill, but it's always been a huge blind-spot for me. I'll often rage-quit if I'm not able to fight my defensive wars in enemy territory.

I think it's because I resent defense. I mean, the necessity of it. I never bought into the idea that my lacking an army meant I was asking to get attacked. Yes, from a strategic standpoint, it's ridiculous, but there it is. In fact, my usual defensive doctrine is to build up my infrastructure at the expense of my military, rapidly retool to a military footing in the hopes of outproducing my enemy, and then launch a massive counterattack. This doesn't always work, but even when it does, it bugs the hell out of me. I'd rather not deal with it all.

Star Wars Empire At War is a pure war game, so there's no real choice about fighting. You've got to do it. So even though I wound up having to defend a few of my colonies, the attacks were not a surprise. And yet, even though I handily won all my battles, I was still pretty annoyed.

It's not my proudest character trait, but what the hell, it's not like I'm getting points for consistency here. I'll just continue attacking the Empire in the hopes of mercilessly crushing their tyranny once and for all. And then, if I still have time, I'll switch sides and do it again.