Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Sakura Spirit - 2/20 hours

I hate this game. I don't use the h-word lightly, but it's two hours in and I haven't made a single decision. It's just click-read-click-read, etc. It doesn't even count as a game. And I don't mean this in an elitist "only activities I, personally, enjoy count as real games" sort of way. I mean only that there should be some minimum amount of interactivity to separate a game from purely passive media like books or movies.

And that comparison should illustrate something else. I don't hate Sakura Spirit for its passivity. There are lots of books and movies I enjoy, even to the point of being willing to reread or rewatch them for 20 consecutive hours. Sakura Spirit is not a work on that level. The writing is stilted and overly expository. The visuals are static and dull. And the soundtrack is awful.

I suppose I should talk about the sex. It has a combination of "tee-hee ain't I naughty" titillation, bland pg-13 coyness, and blatant pandering to the male gaze that has the combined erotic effect of a whiffle-bat to the face. It's not porn, but it occupies the same ecological niche. As a result, it has all of porn's weaknesses and none of its strengths.

I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to finish this game. I'm certainly capable of doing it as a feat of physical endurance, but as a purely practical matter, I'm not sure how I'll be able to do it. I can't play this game at work. Sure, The Witcher had nipples, and thus Sakura Spirit is technically tamer, but those were only on screen for a brief moment, and most of the game was actually just dark fantasy. Sakura Spirit is nothing but anime ladies in skimpy outfits. It's just really over the line.

Plus, I'm not entirely sure what counts as "playing" this "game." The only things you actually do is press the "next" button, look at pictures, and read text. I'll see it through to the end, but after that, I'm going to have to come up with a plan.

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