One last, self-indulgent good-bye.

I used to think it funny was when an athlete or musician or other performer would ostentatiously and publicly announce their retirement, only to come back a few months (or even years) later and try and take it back. I thought it was silly for them to quit while they still had a love for their craft, and just a little bit pitiable for them to throw away the dignity of going out on top for just a little bit more time in the limelight.

I don't think that anymore.

I've spent the last couple of days thinking about loopholes. Ways I could keep doing the blog indefinitely without looking like I was going back on my word. I even, briefly, secretly hoped that someone would buy me a dozen cheap and terrible games as a last-minute prank, so I wouldn't have to take responsibility for how I feel.

But there's no need for that. I'm not retiring the blog because I got sick of it. It's natural, then, to feel ambivalent. I could do this forever and be perfectly happy in the pursuit.

I'm stopping because I came to realize that as time went on, my ratio of unique insights to random time-killing posts was starting to skew towards the trite. I'm a person who is driven to create, and I knew that if I kept doing this, my skills would begin to stagnate. If I ever wanted to explore new areas of writing, criticism, and game design, I would have to move on to something else.

So let me just say directly what I'm feeling - I'm sad that this is ending, but I'm excited to see what come next.

I think I've learned a lot in the last four years. When I started out, I was hesitant to say there was such a thing as a "bad" game. Over time, I relaxed and let myself be a little more catty, but as time went on, my understanding deepened. There's no game, aside from possibly Sakura Spirit, that I regret playing, though there are more than a few (especially Sakura Spirit) that I regret trying to play for 20 hours. Every game (except - oh, you know) had some merit, and often even the ones that were really flawed showed a unique idea or were the production of passion and determined work. And that's beautiful. So even if I would now be willing to say that there are bad games, I'm not so sure if there's such a thing as a contemptible one.

My biggest regret for the blog is that I started off with the absurd goal of "all games for at least 20 hours," as if their worth could be measured on a clock. I realize now that I should have said "until I've beaten it, or 20 hours, whichever comes first." It likely wouldn't have saved me much time, but would have spared a few decent games the brunt of my wrath.

The most rewarding thing about doing the blog was the mandate to play things that I would not have played otherwise. I likely would never have seen the end of Dangerous High School Girls In Trouble or Cthulhu Saves The World if not for my goal, and I probably would not have toughed out the early learning curve of games like One Way Heroics or Blood Bowl 2, if I'd had the luxury of quitting when things got hard. And I most certainly would never have even thought to play games like X3: Terran Conflict or Skyborn, if not for the generosity of my readers. Before I started, I had a niche, a comfort zone where I liked to stay. Now . . . well, I still have the niche, but I know I won't wither and die if I venture outside it.

It took me four years to get to where I am now, which absolutely boggles my mind. I could have gotten a second degree in that time, and in all likelihood it would have taken me less work. That's why I'm going to wrap up the blog by awarding myself an honorary Bachelor of Arts in the field of video game journaling.

That was not a typo for "journalism" - my phoney-baloney degree is definitely in a phoney-baloney field. But I wouldn't have it any other way.