The Bard's Tale - 9/20 hours

I've come to realize why I didn't finish The Bard's Tale all those years ago - from time to time, this game descends into some straight up bullshit. A description in text can't quite convey the nuance of it, but here's my best try. About six hours into the game, you have to go through a dungeon called "the forest tower." It's long and somewhat arduous, with winding, trap-filled hallways and hordes of deadly plant creatures. That's fine. At the top of the tower, you fight a boss, Herne, who has a really high defense, summons endless waves of minions, and has an AoE poison attack that never fails to wipe out your own summoned companions. Still fine. It took me half a dozen tries to beat, but it was still fine.

But then, after all that, the game makes you fight your way back out of the dungeon. And the enemies you face are absolute health sponges with AoE attacks that they sometimes use three or four times in a row, rapidly enough that you never recover from your knockdown animation and wind up dying without being able to respond in any way. The trick to beating them proved to be a combination of a really aggressive attack, kiting as many as possible away from their groups, and luck.

It was just a poorly thought-out sequence. I was fresh off a grueling dungeon and looking to take a breather back in the village, cash in my loot, and chase a couple of hidden treasure chests I'd previously missed. But no, it was right back into the fray, and against my most difficult non-boss enemies yet. Terrible pacing.

And The Bard's Tale is sloppy in a lot of little ways like that. Save points coming before unskippable cutscenes, which are themselves before boss fights. Events that render previous areas of the map inaccessible coming without any sort of warning (so that I was unable to go back and get those previously mentioned treasure chests, for example). Damage scaling rendering your summons obsolete. The fact that you can only save at a save point, and those are far between. The "B" button being used for "confirm."

It's not a bad game, but it definitely shows its age. There's a lot to like about it too. It's often funny (the bit when you kill a wolf for the first time and the game take the piss out of rpg loot mechanics is hilarious). The combat is engaging when it's not throwing unbeatable cheese at you (which isn't often, and would be nearly unremarkable if the save points were closer together). The story is easy to follow, and . . . actually I think I'm going to wait and do a whole spoiler post on it tomorrow.

Overall, I marathoned it last night and I didn't even have to force myself to keep playing. I may well have played it all night even if I didn't have to play it for the blog (oh, who am I kidding, I'd have given up at the Forest Tower and pouted about it being "too hard.")